I am a confident talker. I have no problem in conversing with anyone. That is my opinion about myself. I am not sure though if others feel the same about me. Although it’s not the same with my writing skills. During my conversations, I know where to put a comma and where to put a full stop. I generally don’t talk too much to experience very many slips of tongue. Circumstantially it happens, when I am under the influence, but slip of opportunity is totally a different story.
I am a so called teacher. Two years back, I got my teaching credential from a California State University. It was the proudest day of my life. I worked really hard to get to that stage and I deserved that happiness. Don’t get me wrong here, I still am proud of my achievement but there have been some other experiences that were not on my agenda at the time. I had hoped that once I got the degree, I will get a job and I’ll be on a fast track of becoming a good teacher. But, life is not as straight as one thinks.
In spite of the fact that I am on the lookout for a full time position, I am still capable of establishing a record. Generally, the word teacher and record do not go in the same sentence but it’s true. Soon, I would be holding a record for missing an outrageous number of job opportunities that had knocked on my door. I would be awarded the title of Miss “MOM.” Don’t be perplexed; of course I am a mom but this self made acronym stands for, “Many Opportunities Missed.”
The opportunities that generally arrive at my door are on skates. To make matter worse, they are amateur skaters. When I think I’m prepared, I open my heart’s door and politely ask them to come in. As soon as they make a favorable move towards me, these learners forget what they have learned and loose their balance. They skid away as if they had stepped on the banana peel. They quickly pass off before my eyes, hitting and shattering few things within me. They do not take away anything from me but leave me with a paper and I manage to find a pen to write my feedback and comments that would help me to do better next time.
In last couple of years, I have been through so many questionnaires and interviews that many people might not have been in their whole life. The reason they reject me is that that I don’t have any job experience and there is always someone more experienced than I am for that specific job. The big question is, “if I don’t have a job, where would I get the experience???” But the misery is that people don’t understands the pain of it. And those who understand are not in hiring position. So, I am like a dog who is trying to catch its own tail; going round and round and round.
I’m not just any dog. I am an expensive one too, like English Bull Dog or Cavalier King Charles Spaniel or Samoyed for that matter. Each interview or a demo teaching lesson costs me, no sorry (I am not even earning) costs my husband a fortune. Everything from a new formal shirt to new stationary to teaching supplies adds to our monthly expenditure. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to set aside some money in our budget, under the section, “For Interviews”. At least then it wouldn’t hurt as much.
I am quite sure that there wouldn’t be many who have the same experience that I have in giving interviews. I always manage to crack first couple of levels but then something happens. The HR people inform me that I was great but they found someone better. That statement is so conflicting. I don’t know how to react to it; if I should be happy about it or I should cuss the person who was better than me.
In the beginning, I used to save my rejection letters. My positiveness within me didn’t allow me to consider that getting a rejection letter is a failure. It was seen as a little bump on the road rather than a mountain. People tend to get disheartened if the ride is too bumpy. They begin to loose the charm of it but I got a hang of it. Instead of breaking my journey midway, I fell in love with the whole process of hiring. Only thing that has changed is that I have stopped saving my rejection letters. Saving them meant buying a new file cabinet. There was no point in spending those extra bucks because after all that time, reading the similar kind, time and again, the content of the letter had permanently settled in my RAM.
Pretty soon, the hiring people might issue a California Most Unwanted list. And my name will be on the top of that list. Or they might even start putting my name in their “Job Requirements/ Qualification” list. In all lilkelihood they do not want someone like me but the contrary, someone unlike me. Among all the requirements, one of the points would state—
* “If your name is Nandita Gaur, please do not apply.”
So, calling out all prospective parents whose last name is ‘Gaur’, please think before you name your daughter Nandita.
The irony of the whole things is that I cannot even complain. God has given me many chances to prove my worth but fortunately or unfortunately I have lost them all. I think he has to do more than just showing those avenues. I am God’s special needs child and I call for his extra attention, because I am not going to give up and I will keep filling those questionnaires, keep driving to new schools, keep meeting new people and keep interviewing.
God bless my interviewers!!!